The Noisiness of Answered Prayers

 Twenty-three-year-old me sat in my living room at the boarding school in Zambia where I taught for two years. The intense three-month long term so often filled with fourteen-hour days was over, but after only a short while into the break, here I was feeling lost and lonely in the peace and quiet. 

"God, You know that this isn't what I want!" I prayed aloud. I knew in my heart a life of singleness wasn't my calling. That a husband and children were my heart's desire.... the busyness of babies, the laughter and cries of children, the work of caring for a family. 

Thirty-four-year-old me remembered that this morning and had to chuckle at myself. God has surely answered my prayer of eleven years ago, and as I attempted to relax and sip my coffee on the porch of our air bnb the natural noises and disturbances of many little children were everywhere. 

"Mama! Look through my binoculars at those birds! "Mom, listen to this bell!" (BONG!) "Mama, may I have more waffles?" "Mom, can bears climb up onto this porch?"

How my fickle heart craves peace and quiet now! How often I long for just one minute (but really more like an entire hour) of no bumps, questions, fights over who sits on my lap, or requests to get up and do something. Yet, God knows that this is truly what I wanted and what I still want. He knew all the aspects of my prayer so long ago, what it would look like in the day to day, and that, at the end of it all, the noises, the questions, even the squabbles of children are exactly suited to my desires and calling. 

May my forgetful heart be reminded of this in the moments that I wish to be selfish. In the moments when I forget that the peace and quiet all the time isn't so good after all.